Moving Forward, a Few Steps at a Time

A Series of Random Thoughts

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During the beginning of every new year, everyone would scramble to write their resolutions. On social media, people would say, “This year, I want to lose weight” or “I want to save more money” or “I want to travel more.”

However, as the year goes on, most people either forget that they made this promise to themselves or lose the willpower to continue their resolutions.

I admit: I’m probably a lot like these people.

If you’re like me, then you’ve never been fully content with yourself. No matter your many achievements or positive experiences, you feel as though something is still missing. Perhaps, you aren’t fully confident about your appearance or you don’t feel like you’ve reached your financial goals.

In the past two years, I’ve made a lot of progress. I graduated college, got a stable job, made new friends, and learned a…

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“Life is too short to be lived on fast-forward”

A Series of Random Thoughts

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After you’ve read a story, the moments in it that stick to you the most usually happen at the very beginning and at the very end. As someone who loves reading and writing, this happens to me a lot. I can tell you in detail how the story begins… and I can tell you with enthusiasm how the story ends. The things that happen in the middle part of the story may become hazy in my memory.

Real life, as you all very well know, doesn’t really work like this. We don’t really remember where we began. We don’t recall how we were born, what our first words were, how we behaved as babies. We may only know these things from the stories our parents have told us. In the same way, we don’t how, when or why our end will come about. We only know that it’ll happen someday.

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Reflections on Writing, Therapy, and Growth

A Series of Random Thoughts

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The great thing about having a blog is that you can see how far you’ve grown. Today, I checked a few of my old posts dating back to 2013. And I realized that many of my old works reflected thoughts, opinions, ideas, and desires that I no longer have.

In one of my 2013-ish posts, I wrote about my dream for the future and my desire to have children. Although that future is not out of the cards for me, I don’t see it as a main priority in my life anymore.

I also wrote about the challenges I faced while I was in college. Although I only graduated college a year or so ago, a lot has changed since that time. Reading my old writings, I am reminded of the person I was. I’m still proud of many of the posts I wrote, even if I don’t see myself…

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The Oxford Comma Is My Friend

A Series of Random Thoughts

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Back when I was younger, the Oxford Comma and I weren’t exactly pals. Sure, I knew who he was. I’d nod his way when we passed each other and he’d give me a meek smile in return. We never really talked but we both knew that the other existed.

All that changed a month or so ago when I got my very first job at a digital marketing company in (at? on??? Ah, whatever.) Quezon City. The Oxford Comma is now my friend. I can no longer write without him.

My Love Affair With Writing

For those who don’t know (but care enough to want to know hahaha), I work as a copywriter. Never in my life did I ever imagine this as my first job. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, though.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an author. Books of all sorts were…

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Night Owl’s Love Letter for Bed

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Dearest Bed,

I am sorry for taking granted of you during my childhood years. I regret not acknowledging you sooner. I apologize if I kept insisting that Play was my only lover, when I was a child. I never knew there will come a time that I will need you desperately. My pride of maintaining a mantra, which is “SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK”, has torn us apart. I am truly grateful for the harsh reality of life. Without it, I would not realize that I need and want you.

I was wrong about you. I thought you were boring and bleak, but you proved me wrong all of these years. My prejudice against you has been diminished by your efforts of alluring me to take a rest between the clean and crisp sheets. Being away from you due to school, work, social events and etc. must be my punishment for making you struggle to make me look your way. I deserve it. I will be willing to suffer the consequences of what I have done just to be with you.

Bed, you must have waited for me all these years. I am graciously happy that I could count on you during my ups and downs. You must have it tough. You have endured my gross and humiliating habit of drooling and snoring. When I was crying, you were there to wipe away my tears with your forgiving pillows throughout my life. I feel you deserve better, but you still welcome me with your cozy blankets and soft pillows. I proudly confess to every living being that you have bewitched me with your strength, comfort, and happiness.

I swear with all my life that I will never take you for granted again. This is my decree until I take my last breathe.

 

Sincerely neurotic,

Night Owl

Reminder: Don’t be too hard on yourself

A Series of Random Thoughts

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For the past months or so, I had been feeling down. Things weren’t going well in my life and although obviously I know that life isn’t always a ride in the park, my first few months in the so-called “adult world” had been pretty rough.

I almost lost my best friend to suicide. My parents are stressed out because of unpaid debts. I didn’t get hired for the job I really, really, really wanted. I was rejected for the scholarship I had applied for. And on top of all that, I am bothered by the news of all the awful things happening in my country.

Yes, I know that my problems aren’t that big compared to what a lot of other people go through but, despite trying my best to keep smiling and moving forward, I couldn’t help but worry about everything.

And whenever I worry, I write.

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I’m not giving up on you.

A Series of Random Thoughts

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We met when we were both in our first year of high school. We were about 11 or 12 years old. Neither of us really had any genuinely close friendships at the time. It was probably because we were both weird. It could’ve been because we were both bullied when we were younger. For whatever reason, we met, became friends, and, though I didn’t realize it at the time, I had found someone who understood me completely.

Years went by and we were still close. Throughout our last three years of high school, we and our three other best friends were practically inseparable.

We went through a lot together. We kept our grades up together, withstood social bullying together, and encouraged each other to pursue our passions. I know that without you and without our friends, high school would’ve been my Hell. Instead, my high school years were some of…

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A Letter to My Best Friend

A Series of Random Thoughts

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Dear you,

Have you ever met someone who understood you so well that you wondered whether you knew this person in another time, another place, another reality?

Perhaps you had known each other in your previous lives. You’ve forged a bond so strong that one lifetime was not enough. Even in death, you couldn’t leave the other alone. So, in your next life, you sought to find each other and, once you did, you vowed to never leave the other’s side through all your many lifetimes.

Perhaps you had been created from the same grain of sand. While God was shaping your mind, body, and soul, He realized that you couldn’t survive the harsh realities of life without someone to aid you on your journey. And so, from the same grains of sand He used to mold you, He created another with a different mind and a different body but…

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For the past few months, or weeks… I’ve met random people.

But not just normal people. People like me.

Broken. In pain. Hurt.

The first one is Paul, a student leader, class president.

One Friday afternoon, I called him for a meeting. We were planning about stuff for the incoming Monday, then I noticed that he’s a bit weird; all-sweaty, anxious, talkative. (he reminded me of my good friend). I told him straight that he’s weird and asked him what his problem was. He then started to tell stories. He’s being bullied for being a student leader. He was so talkative, to the point that I was already annoyed. I wanted to shut his mouth but I also want to listen to him. His story is no different from my friend who took his life. So maybe, just maybe… he really needed somebody to listen in all of the baggage in his heart.

The second one is Mike. A funny (in a positive way) girl.

Before I met her, my mom told me that somebody went to her office and asked her about me. She was surprised that their college dean is my mom. She told my mom that I was her “idol” because she thinks that I’ve already passed my sadness stage and I’m okay now. And I was shocked. Shookt if you may. Somebody is idolizing me because she thinks I’m fine after all the depressing shit I’ve been through. Hmmkay.

I talked to her. Just this Monday night. She’s afraid, she’s guilty, she feels empty.

She started talking, but in a very soft voice. She was shaking her knees and she talks without looking in your eyes. She keeps saying that she’s been locking herself in her room and will start to scream. Her heart was full of painful memories. Then when she shared her 10th-grade story, she started crying. Everything is still fresh in her memory. Everything is still painful.

Actually, there’re more.

But one thing I’ve learned, I have been encouraging people to be stronger and to keep on going with life no matter how hard it is. But no matter how hard I try, I cannot apply all the comforting, securing words I’ve said to them to myself. I might be good at making other people feel good, but when I’m alone, I wish I also have somebody to tell me the things I’ve been telling them.

I felt like crying every night. I feel like I need to tell all the things I am feeling without any filters.

For the past few months, or weeks… I’ve met random people.

But not just normal people. People like me.

Different names. Different stories.

But same feelings.

Night Owl Makes A Friend

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Dear Ms. Braid,

Greetings!

I know that writing a letter to express myself is outdated and formal in the modern 21st century, but it is one of the best ways for me to convey what I have to say and feel. If you are willing to reply to my letter, you do not have to do the same thing as I did.

I am not used to approaching people (especially STRANGERS) and starting a conversation face-to-face. This is one of my ways of communicating with someone. You might be thinking this: “When did starting a conversation with someone become a struggle?” Here is my answer to the question (in case you are wondering about it): It started when I realized two reasons. First, I have a rechargeable battery, which means *drum roll please* I need alone time after few hours of interacting with other human beings. I do not have a problem interacting with other human beings (unless he or she is a person who I do not want to be involved with due to past incidences). I do solemnly swear on this, but it is best to recharge my battery to function well in social events. *enters a well-known horror theme song from Psycho* Just hearing the word “social events” makes my rechargeable battery go “kaput”. Second (and lastly), I have a secret power, which YOU MUST NEVER TELL ANYONE. Come closer. Closer. A little bit cloooooseeer… and STOP! My secret power would be that I can make any conversation with someone, who I am not close to, into a deep abyss of silence and awkwardness. Mwahahaha! I am not saying I am proud of it. Although I am ashamed and embarrassed of being bestowed with such power, I still have to go through it with my head held high. *secretly dies inside every time it happens*

Anyway, my point is I want to close the gap between us. I want to be more than a stranger or an acquaintance to you. I want to be your friend, if it is okay with you. I know. I know. You might be thinking this: “Why go all through this trouble, if all I wanted is to be your friend? All you have to do is ask, silly!” Simple. I am a person who values relationships. I do not take it for granted. This is my way of saying that I am sincere and serious about this. I do not want to be your friend due to quantity. I want to be your friend in order to know more about who you are and what you want to become.

All in all, this is everything I have to say (hopefully for now).

 

                                                         Sincerely neurotic,

                                                              Night Owl